Army_Infantry_Mom's Blogs

I just felt the need to sit down and say some thing’s. I guess It’s my way of comforting myself,…to reflect,. to get a fresh perspective,. It’s hard being a soldier’s mom,….for many reasons,…and I have to admit,…I could think of a different reason every minute of the day,…and when I’m tired at the end of day,. I think ,..I can now escape from my mind,…I say a prayer for my boy and fall asleep,. To only wake in the middle of the night with one more reason. Being a soldier’s mom for me is many thing’s. It’s a privilege,. the sense of pride and honor. It’s my heart,.. taking the chance to be crushed. It’s my fears,…that can sometimes bring me to my knees. It’s the unknown,. that haunts me in my sleep. It’s my soul that saden’s,..every time I hear of causalities. It’s the air I can’t sometimes breath,. Hoping it’s not me who get a knock on my door. It’s my that heart ache’s for the other mother’s,…It’s also my road,…back to my faith. I was raised,… to be a proud American. I was raised,… To honor those serving. I was raised,. By an American Vet. My father proudly spoke of his World War 2 stories,. Fighting to make this a better world for us. He told me ,…Of his achievements. He told me,.. Of his hard times. He proudly wore his scars,.. As a badge of honor,…And sometimes I could hear him in the middle of the night screaming,. “I’ve been shot“. The horror I’d hear from his voice,. Confirmed for me my Daddy was a true Hero,. For he survived a place called Hell. It was the year 1991,..That this road I was about to turn on,. Would also be the same road I’m on now 18 years later. The road was called “The Gulf War”. Standing in front of the TV,. Watching war for the first time. I stood their in disbelief,. Holding my 3 year old son. Heart sicken about,. What the world had become. Thankful that,. My son was so young. But as I stood their with him I knew one day that would be him. For the first time,… I understood the meaning of war. As I watched the videos that ran on the TV,. I could hear my dad telling their stories. Nothing ever really prepares you for the rollercoaster ride of being a soldier’s mom. It’s spiritually trying,. And emotionally draining. Even when your child gives you a years head’s up,. Their gonna sign up. (As my son did). I remember the night before he left for boot training. Well needless to say I couldn’t sleep knowing that in the morning,. Our lives as a family was going to forever change. As I putted around the house when everyone was asleep,. I was reflecting on how fast your child grows up,. And how it seemed like I still should of had more time. I stumbled on a few things he had forgotten to pack,. So I grabbed his backpack to put his things in it. The moment I picked up that backpack,. I had a flash back to the time I was packing his stuff up in his Spiderman book bag heading off to kindergarten for the first day. Wow,. Talk about being left breathless. Well I’m sure,.. I’m not so that different of other mom’s,.. Seeing their child leave for the military. I was a bit of a wreck,. You could say. But I put on a brave front,. And hugged him goodbye. I knew that I wouldn’t have to worry for at least the next year,. Deployment seemed a world away. It sure was hard to adjust though. I found out that sleep isn’t so good,. When I don’t have all my ”pups” at home with me. I learned that time with a person is sometimes taken for granted. The first visit home is a split feeling. A two week leave is not that long. The first week is just living in the moment. The Second week is trying to live in the moment,. But the dreading that time is almost up,.. Makes It’s even harder for me to say good bye again. Especially knowing his One year “safe” time is over. But again,. I tried to put on that badge of bravery,. And hugged him goodbye. Once again,. Our family was going to forever change,. Again. But all and all it was all right,. We still had contact almost on a daily basis. He didn’t seem so far away from home. He came home in July,. It was his leave before deployment to Afghanistan. This two week visit I couldn’t live in the moment. All I heard was a ticking of a clock. I was overwhelmed with emotions. So proud of the man he’d become,. So afraid of losing him. Their was no badge of bravery for me this time around,.. It’s hard hugging your child goodbye,. Not knowing if your child will ever hug you again. No more daily hello’s over the phone,. Just sleepless nights,. Wondering if he’s ok.